


Why So Lonely

by jnngkook



Category: bts
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Gay, M/M, Paranoia, mentaldisorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jnngkook/pseuds/jnngkook
Summary: Jeon Jungkook, a registered mental hospital patient, witnesses his life turn itself completely when a new patient is admitted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Jikook fic. Please enjoy (-:

Jungkook sits still, watching the falling snow dance outside the small glazed window of his room. There is no way to open this small window, and the "glass" is practically unbreakable, believe that. The glass is tinted a muddy brown color, partially due to prolonged use, but mostly because the hell-hole he's trapped in doesn't bother equipping their patients with somewhat decent living environments. In fact, each room appears the exact same. Same grey colored walls which you can seemingly stare at for hours. And the white floors stained with unknown marks or littered with scratches that come daily from no cause. They designed this place to lose yourself in. To completely and utterly disorient yourself from comfort and familiarity, instead being replaced by taunting walls. Painfully bland. Why do they wish to remind me of every aspect in my life? he thinks.

Can they see into my mind? 

Don't be silly Jungkook, he tells himself. Get a grip. These people wouldn't be able to read him if they tried. They won't be able to pry anything from him. 

It's been well over two years since Jungkook was admitted into Gatefields Mental Institution. Keeping track of his attendance, he decided, was pointless nowadays. It's not like he intends to stay there forever, but he just can't envision himself leaving. This place, as bad as it is, feels like home. Probably because it is, of course. When you think of home, you think of a safe place, and one where you've lived your best life. This is it, I guess.

Jungkook flinches when he hears a knock at his door. 

"Jeon Jungkook-ssi, breakfast. You're ten minutes late already. Come before we have to write you up for your behavior, again."  

He sighs, and first ponders on whether or not he actually cares if he is written up or not. Supposedly, earning Good Behavior Points! can limit the amount of time you have to stay at the hospital or not. He's seen it, too. Plenty of people come, smile, and leave months later. But is it really worth the effort to act your best self, just to leave and face your misfortunes yet again? 

"Jungkook, I won't be asking again."  

Jungkook wasn't hungry, but it doesn't really matter. He supposes it would be better idea to leave his room anyways. There's nothing especially exciting about it, after all. So he lifts himself up from his practically cardboard-feeling mattress and walks towards the door. They aren't allowed to have mirrors in their public bathrooms in hopes to avoid "destructive thoughts", so he guesses that his appearance doesn't really matter. Everyone here looks like a mess anyways, he thinks.

Jungkook opens the door and slips past the frustrated nurse, not saying a word while making quick eye contact before looking away. Best not to deal with that. 

He walks away from the woman at a moderately slow pace, looking down at his grey hospital socks, and noting how the sole of his feet stick to the floor with every step because of the special protection added at the bottom, to avoid slipping. It truly is comical how even socks seem to make a better effort to take care of their patients, Jungkook criticizes.

God, these people make me sick.

A two minute walk past endless rows of hallways eventually leads him to the institution's cafeteria, where he scans over the faces of tens of patients. Most of them have found a common group, or at least made a friend or two. Self organization truly is fascinating, he thinks. Even in this God-forbidden area, people manage to make friends. Ridiculous.

 

Jungkook scowls to himself while walking to the bar to collect his platter for breakfast. He scans his eyes over the trays and quickly picks out the cleanest one he can see. It's a nightmare to attempt to use sanitary precautions in a place like this, but he deals. 

The food options for the morning include various fruits and cereals, all of which are probably borderline rotten or stale. Jungkook scoffs and picks up an apple with the least amount of marks, sets it on his tray, and makes his way to find a seat. Always the fun part of his day when he has no actual friends to sit with, he says in his mind. 

He makes his way through the tables while keeping his eyes diverted solely on the ground in front of him, being careful to not trip. He sees an open table in his peripherals and increases his pace to make his way to the table as soon as he can, already sick and embarrassed to be having to walk alone. It's a constant question to why he feels this embarrassment when he is the one who refuses to converse with anyone. But then he reminds himself, this is the way he likes it. Why would he even want to be friends with the crazy people here anyways? He is one of the few people who is actually sane here, and he wouldn't want to compromise that.

He eats in isolation, feet directly parallel with each other on the floor, gaze directed on the empty seat across from him, and then to his left and right. He lifts one side of his mouth into a barely noticeable smirk without even realizing it. He likes the idea of being alone today. Some days less than others, but today, feeling lonely is empowering. He'd like to think that people don't make an effort to talk to him because he is intimidating, which is nice, he guesses. He wouldn't want to talk to anyone, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find this book on Wattpad under my user @jnngkook, entitled Lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

Today is Group Therapy Day. 

Everyone's favorite, of course. Wednesdays. 

Sitting across mentally unstable lunatics with red gazes; having to listen to them tell all about their day when nobody genuinely cares to listen. And then it gets to your turn, when you're forced to at least say something, Jungkook. 

And of course this is accompanied by a "look" when you disobey. You watch as they scan their eyes over a list of names on their clipboard until they finally meet yours. They scribble a description of your rebellious behavior, and move on. 

Jungkook is well aware that the staffs know of his usual reluctance to participate, and yet they continue to pester him about it. What they don't understand is that there is nothing to say.

He sighs to himself in irritation and makes to pick at his fingers. A bad habit.

As he drowns out the voices of the other talking patients, he starts to wander his eyes to observe every person in the room. They are seated in a makeshift circle, giving him a somewhat better view of everyone, besides for the people to his left and right.

Ah, Min Yoongi. Must be a good patient to be able to earn enough benefits for mint coloured hair. Bastard.

He continues to glance at the others, all while noticing small ticks each one of them perform.

Kim Taehyung. Always restless. 

He rolls his eyes.

Kim Namjoon, Seokjin, Jung Hoseok...

He wonders why they are here.

His thinking is cut short when he hears his name being called. He looks away from his stare to the counselor who seemed to have called for him. 

"Hm?" he responds. The counselor shakes her head in disapproval before she continues to speak again. 

"I'd like you to welcome an arriving patient into our hospital this evening with a tour. Earn some behavioral points, ah? There are benefits we think you would enjoy." She raises her eyebrow in expectance, seemingly not giving him a choice.

"Yeah, alright," Jungkook responds before he pretends to lose attention, directing his face elsewhere solely to avoid further conversation. Jungkook sees her nod her head in his peripherals and lift herself from her seat, then begin to dismiss the group of patients from their hourly meet. He sighs as he gets up from his plastic seat, in his thoughts as he folds it and stacks it in a corner designated for the chairs.

Aren't I the least fit to welcome a new patient? He feels a twinge of annoyance run through his veins. Who cares about benefits? 

He grits his teeth as he walks through the door, heading straight for his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Jungkook walks to the front office with the direction of a staff member and a security guard, awaiting the arrival of the new patient. He walks carefully, watching his legs move for himself. The last thing Jungkook wants to do is give this goddamn tour, but he's already in enough trouble as it is. Sooner or later, the staff would probably threaten to call his parents to inform them of his non-cooperating behavior if he doesn't at least appear to be trying. 

He leans against the front desk, hands playing with a dusty fake plant resting on the counter. Jungkook grits his teeth as he ponders how he should approach the newbie. 

Do I really have to be friendly with them? What happens if they try to be friends with me? 

He taps his fingers against the desk until he hears the front automatic doors slide open, signifying an entrance. He looks up expectantly, watching as two adults walk inside with a younger following behind them. 

His eyes rest on the younger adult as he begins to observe him. He wears a black sleeved shirt, correlating with black jeans of which hug his thighs, and gold spectacles that rest along the border of his nose. His hair is black and ruffled, parting in the middle to reveal a portion of his forehead. His clenched jaw and tense shoulders automatically revealed his dislike of being there, Jungkook could tell. 

Jungkook waited until the two adults accompanying the patient had finished checking him in before turning to face the counselor standing next to himself, who just began walking towards the adults. He followed behind her not long after.

"Hello, I'm the counselor for all patients in the west wing of Gatefields Mental Hospital. I assume you're the guardians of-" she checks her clipboard, "Park Jimin?"

The adults nod and begin to introduce themselves, pulling the counselor aside to discuss further discreet issues before letting Park Jimin go. 

Jungkook is left with Jimin, who seems to have an unbreakable gaze on the floor. He sighs before deciding to speak up.

"Look, it's not that bad here. You'll get used to it," Jungkook says while waiting for a response, watching as the patient doesn't lift his eyes from the floor.

Jungkook curses at himself immediately after. Why did I just lie through my teeth to help console this guy? He doesn't even care about what I say, so why should I try to make it seem better than it actually is? Why is the counselor making me do this?

He clenches his jaw as he turns to look at the counselor expectantly. She looks over towards him, and smiles as she sees both him and Jimin. 

"Jungkook, I assume you can take Jimin-ssi from here?" she nods in his direction. Jungkook only responds by looking towards the ceiling for a quick moment, demonstrating his frustration in the most unnecessary way possible before nodding back to her. 

He waits for Jimin to gather his belongings and exchange a tense goodbye with his guardians before turning to face Jungkook once more, this time with eye contact. Their eyes meet for less than a second before Jimin breaks it, averting his eyes to the floor yet again.

Jungkook just rolls his eyes and begins to walk down the hallway, expecting Jimin to follow, which he does.

They walk in silence, with Jungkook listening to the footsteps Jimin takes. They are light, and barely audible despite the hallway's extravagant echo created by the slightest noise. He can hear occasional sniffles or quiet coughs coming from him as well.

Minutes go by in this silence, with Jungkook deep in thought and Jimin in denial.

Jungkook then stops and begins to show him around the facility headquarters of which they're permitted to be in. 

Few words are exchanged as Jungkook gives simple, self-explanatory labels to rooms in the institution. Jimin only nods in response to each demonstration, making Jungkook's job much easier than he thought it would be. 

"I guess all that's left to show you is your room. Uh, what's your room number?" Jungkook hesitantly asks while looking at him expectantly. Why am I so awkward around him?

Jimin only holds out the form in his hand, pointing to the room number cleanly printed above his name. Jungkook mumbles an "okay" as he begins to lead Jimin to his room. As they arrive, he notes that his room is fairly close to his own. Of course,  Jungkook won't be telling this to Jimin, it's just a note for himself.

Jungkook finally stops in front of his door, glancing towards Jimin's direction once they reach it and motions toward the room. Jimin looks at the paper in his hands to double check the room number before nodding a "thank you" to Jungkook, still without eye contact.

"See you around, Park Jimin-ssi."


End file.
